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Self Care as a Parent


Parents, especially mothers, have a tendency to care for everyone around them--except for themselves. It's easy to get wrapped up in making lunches, driving kids around, acting as your spouse's "therapist," and volunteering at church or other organizations. But what about YOU? If you're not used to caring for yourself, it might feel selfish at first to take time to do what you need. But in reality, it's not optional; caring for yourself is the first step to caring for everyone else.

 

"Without self-reliance one cannot exercise these innate desires to serve. How can we give if there is nothing there? Food for the hungry cannot come from empty shelves. Money to assist the needy cannot come from an empty purse. Support and understanding cannot come from the emotionally starved. Teaching cannot come from the unlearned. And most important of all, spiritual guidance cannot come from the spiritually weak." -Elder Marion G. Romney

 

Sure, you could push through and continue to ignore your own needs. But that will probably make you resentful and certainly decrease how effective you can be as a parent and spouse. Whitney Casares, MD, says that taking small chunks of time for yourself is one of the best ways to keep yourself from feeling trapped as a parent.


The parenting pyramid shows that the foundation of effective parenting is "personal way of being." Essentially, before you can have fulfilling, successful relationships with your spouse and children, you need to be able to handle yourself. Your "personal way of being" spans many aspects, including physical, emotional, social, and spiritual. The graphic below includes a few more, as well as some ideas of things to work on.



You might already see some things that you want to work on. If you need some help figuring out where to start, check out this self care inventory from LoveIsRespect.org. It'll help you get an idea of how you're doing and what you can improve on. 

When you're starting to take more time for yourself, start simple. Trying to accomplish too many things at once will make you feel overwhelmed and ultimately you probably won't accomplish much. I recommend choosing just 1 or 2 things to start with, and starting small. If you never exercise, try going on a walk once a day, even if it's just to the mailbox and back. If you want to start journaling, start with a goal to write a half page in your journal three days this week.

As you start to focus on keeping yourself physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually healthy, you'll be in a better place to help those around you. Even better, your children will notice your example. They'll start to pick up some of your habits and it will benefit them, too. Your children will see a healthy example of self-care and have someone to emulate as they grow up and experience the stresses of life, too. It's a win-win!



Resources: 

Casares, W., MD. (2020, July 29). Importance of Self-care: Why parents need time out to recharge. Retrieved February 13, 2021, from https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/Importance-of-Self-Care.aspx

 

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